A Kenyan's Guy Definition of An Ideal Girl

Nicki Minaj sexy squat
Hot, Sexy, Beautiful. Is that enough for a Kenyan guy looking for a beautiful gir?

We cheat, we lie, we make promises we know we cannot keep, and then we dump you only to repeat it to another innocent girl. You make vows to yourself, change your character and you even change your style. With your head high and your heart open for true love, you hop onto the next guy. Your knight in shining armour, your definition of the perfect guy. He’s financially stable, and even though you weren’t after money, it does make you feel safer. He’s composed and gentleman-ish unlike many regular Kenyan dudes out here, and especially the prick that you recently dumped. You found the complete package!


After months of that fairy-style dating, you soon realise that his business trip to Mombasa was the perfect escapade. A ploy to chips-funga your best friend! “Men! They are all the same!” You rant out and curse yourself for not having bigger boobs than Jane’s or a firmer ass than Ashley’s. Despite your shortcomings, you felt that you were the perfect couple, but you cannot tie your head around what happened. Where did you go wrong with your pretty looks, your awesome character, and your above-average cooking skills? More importantly, however, who then would be the perfect girl for the guy you thought would be your baby daddy?

Myths Aside

Sure enough, most guys would want to sleep with a girl like Nicki Minaj, and the best part about it is that they would cheat on you without thinking twice. However, no amount of big booty or gorgeous body would make them stick to girls like Nicki. Never confuse sexual attraction for attraction itself. After one week of endless happy hours with a girl like Nicki, a guy might still be drawn to that house help with firm breasts and still have lots of fun with her. Illogical? No… It’s the mind of a guy.


Well, what about church girls? Surely, they have to be a bit higher in the scale when it comes to the ideal girl. Sadly, nowadays anyone can be a church girl! Here’s how I know this as a fact. Common dating sites like Tinder, Tagged, and Badoo are all filled with some really hot girls. Your “Hi” might not even get a response in a million years to come, but try dropping in words like “fwb” or “cash” and you might get their attention. Surprisingly, it will even take you a shorter amount of time to get their cell phone numbers in this way. However, when you finally go to view their WhatsApp profile photos or status to confirm that these “girls” are not some regular Joe looking to make a quick buck from unsuspecting horny guys, you find a status like “God above all”. I won’t judge. The reality is that you cannot be an ideal girl by being a church girl.

Top 4 Qualities of an Ideal Girl in Kenya

She has an aura of joy

In as much as we want a girl with a great body and one who will “fuck us like it’s our last night in this world”, having a girl who is fun makes things a whole lot different. No one ever wants to go back to a home with a lot of negative energy. At the end of the day, we enjoy going back to an environment where we can just laugh and be ourselves. Finding someone to share that moment with is golden. I’ve heard that chubby women usually bring their men more joy, but I am yet to discover if that’s fact or fiction. Staying in a relationship, and especially in marriage is no walk in the park, and having someone with that perfect balance of adventure, fun and joy is important. Of course there will be days in which things get a bit rough, but averagely, that’s what guys want… Joy.


A Great Personality

Guys are different, and that means that a “great personality” is kind of subjective. However, there are things that we all find as “great” in a girl. For instance, listening to a guy’s problems shows a great sense of compassion even when you really don’t have concrete solutions to offer. Rarely will you find guys pouring out their hearts and crying, but having that shoulder to lean on is a great thing. In addition, part of having a great personality involves how you relate with other people in the guy’s life as well. In fact, what his friends say about you will go a long way in determining how far the two of you will go.  A great personality might also require you to be open to new things. They don’t necessarily have to be sexual fantasies in the bedroom. Going camping or making a new common friend might be good places to start.

She’s Passionate About Things

My friend once had a very charming girl by her side. She cleaned up the house really good, made awesome meals, and had just the right personality. However, alikosa form (she had no life). So after all the house chores, she would just stick in the house without anything else to do but simply watch Netflix movies. Not that it’s a bad thing, but it’s the 21st century. Both the man and the woman need to at least have something to do that contributes to putting food on the table. Without having anything to do, you are simply showing the guy that you are probably going to be a burden at one point in his life. You really don’t need to have a 5 or 6-figure salary, but be passionate and enthusiastic about the little that you do.


Social Party Goer

Party going can be a tricky subject because most men would never want their “ideal girls” to go out to parties at night. Why? Because they know what goes on and what might go on in clubs. Most guys actually feel that girls who feel the need to go out and drink on a weekly basis have not found a real meaning in life. It also shows that you cannot have fun without drinking, and this is someone guys would not want to really settle with. Men would still probably want to go out with you and have sexual fun with you, but don’t harbour any hopes that he will see beyond your party-going attitude. You are better off dragging him to the party than going alone.


 The Sad Reality

It is entirely difficult for women to live by these rules. Something always crops up, and life is never that linear too. The most important thing, however, is to be your own self, not the girl that men expect. Whoever loves you for who you are might be your ideal man.

Till next time, keep it Twilight Party!